9/22/2006

it's just fly larva.


I like my new roommate, you know why, because she's not afraid of maggots. I know this because tonight right after she got home someone rang our bell. Unless I'm expecting someone, I don't answer the door. And if someone rings my bell at 11:30 at night and I haven't invited anyone over, well then I just don't even hear the bell. I mean in my neighborhood I figure it's just a drunk or some prostitute who lost her way or maybe just someone looking for my neighbor. Either way, I want nothing to do with it. My new roommate hasn't even been here a month and I was just assuming it was a friend of hers, but she popped her head in and I told her I just ignore the bell when I don't know who it is. She kind of looked at me like I was weird. Then there was knocking and we both agreed someone should deal with the door. I wasn't really moving and she managed to walk down the stairs to the door before me. I assured her that I would be right there, all the way at the top of the three flights of stairs, just in case it was some crazy rapist and she needed me. What's great is that she opened the door to a girl standing there and before she even said hello to the girl she looked up at me and asked, "Do you know this person?" It was my neighbor, looking a little freaked out and pale. She started in on a story about how she and her friend were on the back porch smoking, and I thought for sure she was going to launch in on how some guy with a gun jumped our fence and robbed her or something, but no, she looks over at her friend and sees a maggot has just dropped onto her shoulder. To give you some perspective here, she lives on the first floor and I'm on the third. She told me that she knocked on our middle neighbors door since she was certain the maggots were coming from his porch. But no, you guessed it- we were the lucky ones. I looked at her, kind of unphased and a little confused by the whole thing and then I remembered the three bags of garbage on our back porch we hadn't brought down last night. I told her we had garbage there and that must be it and she actually asked me, "So you knew you had maggots on your porch?" I don't really know this neighbor well, and she seems like a really nice person, but what kind of question is that? I mean, I know I don't always look as clean as I could, sometimes I don't shower and I'm sure she's seen me leave the house looking a little haggard some mornings, but this girl really thought I was so fucking filthy that I would let maggots just hang out on my back porch. Come to think of it now she was eyeing me real weird the whole time, like she always knew I had a dark secret and she just discovered it. I apologized for our slothfulness and assured her maggots would be dealt with right away. ewwww. My roommate was great, really, I mean we were both a little grossed out and panicked for a minute and it was very clear neither one of us wanted to deal with any maggots tonight. I was proud of both of us in the end, we cleaned up the garbage, (I will spare you from the nasty maggot details) we had a little dilemma about what to do with the bags, I mean if we put them in our trash cans wouldn't the things breed and start a little maggot colony? We'll find out next garbage night I guess.
Maggots are pretty fucking disgusting and I won't lie and say I don't feel like I have them crawling all over me right now and I'm sure I'll have maggot nightmares tonight, but they really aren't as bad as they sound. And as far as my neighbor goes, I feel bad about maggots falling on her and her friend, but honestly, I'm a little bitter she thought I knew they were there and I was just too lazy to deal with them. And she shouldn't smoke anyway, those things will kill you. Maggots, you can just step on those.

2 comments:

me wannabe said...

maggots are right up their with roaches. and roaches that grow to ten feet long and take off their carcasses and scream at you to put a blonde wig on their head, well, those are the worst. but, then again, when they're only in a dream...you can wake up and its over. your maggot issuse...well, that's a whoooooole 'nother story. i will never go on your backporch again! (did that sound dirty?)

t. said...

see this is exactly why I feared posting this- they were just coming out of ONE garbage bag, and said bag is long gone. please come to my back porch again?
-t