11/20/2006

a thanksgiving dildo.

This year Nekoda will cook up a storm again, hopefully making my favorite roasted root veggies with rosemary & thyme. And Chip will no doubt bake up his Kentucky sweet potato pie. There will be a tofurkey, which I will happily devour, despite the fact that I am a card carrying meat eater once again. We will drink endless wine and probably bourbon, and maybe when we all get full enough and drunk enough we'll run around in the park. I will roll home.
Last year I was at the farm. It was the first year I've ever lived in San Francisco that I spent away from my friends. I blame it on a bad boyfriend. The farm was nice, I think it rained. We built a fire in a make shift fire pit outside. It was a hippy Thanksgiving that could have only happened in California. From the wacky old dead head to Jon, my boyfriends best friend, handing me a giant glass dildo he had blown just for me during dinner. If everyone wasn't so stoned I would have blushed even more. And not like you need to know, but it's been just about a year, and I've never put it in me. The thing is so long and thick I'm scared it will dismember something inside of me. After Jon handed me the dildo, reaching across the yams and cranberries, he said "I expect a full report." No one even batted an eye and I thought then of my mother and what she would say if I told her someone gave me a hand blown glass dildo during Thanksgiving dinner. God bless this state, and how far it is from Jersey.
Everytime I open my sock drawer that dildo bangs around, but I don't know where else to put it. I imagine a future lover finding it years from now, "Wow, what do you do with this?" He wouldn't believe me that I've been too scared to use it, or that someone gave it to me as a gift on Thanksgiving day. Or worse, he'd insist we try it out.
I should get rid of that thing. Drop it off at Good Will or sell it on ebay. I'm sure someone would love it. Can you regift a dildo? Is that wrong?

3 comments:

Jean said...

I'm sending a link to your mother

t. said...

you would. but just remember what i can do with your father.

mewannabe said...

re-gift it. that way, you'll get double the joy!